Decisions, Doubts, And Hopes

Confession time! One of the reasons why I started blogging (publicly- I am not counting countless blogs I had set up to private and hidden) is to overcome my shyness. I was ridiculously shy. So shy that it usually wound up with me either doing something silly that would only further my agony of shyness and add the reputation of clumsy into the mix (like falling face first while attempting to get someone’s attention). What’s worse, it wasn’t just teenage shyness that would miraculously disappear in the college years. It was shyness that followed me for far too long. 

Now, there is nothing wrong with being shy. But when being shy is preventing normal day to day functioning, then there is a problem. I started blogging publicly to push myself out of my comfort zone. I knew if I wanted for my blog to be “found” I would have to leave comments (yes, commenting has been hard for me), I would have to join a social network and connect with strangers. I worried. At first, it was hard. I mean, that very first comment almost never saw the light of the day. But I managed to ignore the little voice that was telling me no and clicked on submit anyway. And I’m glad I did.

It has gotten better over time (mind you, this has been going on for a year now… not specifically talking about this blog), and I find it easier and easier to comment, like and reach out to other bloggers out there. Of course it didn’t happen overnight, and it didn’t happen just because I got this crazy idea in my head of “HEY! I’m gonna blog and that will take care of all my problems!”

I read a lot of books. I listened to some awesome podcasts. I read a lot of blogs on the topic. And I learned a lot. I learned a great deal about myself, I kept a journal, and most importantly I made that first big step and took action.

I know now that I am primarily an introvert and that there is nothing wrong with it. I know that I can be introverted but that doesn’t mean that I should also be shy. I know that I can also be an extrovert when the mood strikes me, but I have to have a place or a time to wind down and relax.

I am debating posting about my experiences. I would like to share them and hopefully help others who are in my situation. But at the same time, that same nagging voice in my head is trying to surface and tell me to give it up because how could I possibly help someone? (See, that’s the part I am still working on, building my self esteem has gotten better, but it’s still a struggle). I am doing my best to shush it. I’d like to believe that because of my experience I could help someone, even if it means just being a shoulder to cry on. (I do have awesome shoulders to cry on, so awesome that complete strangers usually confide in me during bus rides- true story)

So, I have a decision to make, a doubt that’s trying to surface, and a hope it will all work out for the better.

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One thought on “Decisions, Doubts, And Hopes

  1. Dear Ana Lynn. We found your blog through a shared Liebster Award experience. In the Healing Garden, the beauty of the Garden as a whole is the variety of leaves, flowers, branches and roots. Everything smells differently. Each living thing smells differently. We human creatures display our best qualities best in contrast to the gestalt of our society – the constellation of life surrounding us. The miracle of digital communication is its variety of media: print, pics, music. Everything! Almost. Sometimes those experiences, which are too tender to find words for let alone share, can be shared better as a visual picture or a written metaphor. A blog is a very individual way to practice and make a habit of what it is we want to do better. Best to you from the Healing Garden – The Healing Garden gardener

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